Just download it.

Recently, my friends and I have had to talk to various customer service "desk slaves" here in London. Overall, they seem to have a few things in common:

1. They are totally shocked that you have this problem [whatever the problem may be]. Clearly, you are the first person to ever encounter it, although their office is systematically organized to handle problems like it. And, you just overheard that girl over there having the same issue. Who was just talking to the same person who is totally shocked.

2. They need to have a short, personal conversation with you before coming to your aid. This can last anywhere from five to twenty minutes, if you don't head it off right away. ("Lovely day. Are you alright?" "I'm fine, thanks, I was just..." "That's a smart bag you have there. Where did you get it from?" "Thanks! It's from America." "Oh!!! Whereabouts in America are you from?" etc. etc.)

3. They often repeat the same statement, over and over, until you leave. ("Just download it." "Um... the file is corrupted. I can't do that. [I just explained this to you]" "Right you are. Just download it." "No, no, I can't download it because the document does not open properly." "Oh... well, then just download it.")

4. If it involves a computer or the internet, they wear a look of fear and confusion, while pretending to understand your concerns. (See # 3 above)

But, regardless of how severe the penalties are for not straightening out your specific problem (ie, getting kicked out of school, deported, trampled to death), the English customer always keeps his or her cool. I have no idea how they do it, as I have to silently count to 20 in my head after the same man has told me to "download it" for the sixth time.

This morning, I was at the UCL gym where the turnstiles out front decided to stop working. This trapped nearly 50 people in an area of about 10' x 10', with more unloading from the elevators every minute. Instead of panicking, the girl at the front was telling her friend (in a completely even tone): "This is so frustrating. I don't know why we can't move. I can barely breathe. They must get this fixed soon. I really am irate*."

*Maybe this has a different meaning in England.